The Edge of Her Skin
by perch
Summary: Written for LJ Comm AU100. This is an AU of Episode 45 No Good Deed. Lance POV, LanceKitty, lots of wangsting, character death. Spoilers for the show obviously.


**Title: The Edge of Her Skin  
Fandom: X-men Evolution  
Characters: Lance POV, Lance, Kitty, Wanda, Pietro, Kurt, Scott  
Prompt: 3. Ends  
Word Count: 1,232  
Rating: PG13 for language.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men and I'm not making money off this. Not trying to either.  
Author's Notes: AU of Episode 45 No Good Deed; Title comes from lyrics to "You Make me Smile" by Blue October.**

**Spoilers for Episode 45:**

**In this episode Wanda accidentally causes a subway accident and the Brotherhood inadvertently become heroes when the general public believe they stopped the accident for altruistic reasons, as opposed to trying to escape and taking some people with them. **

**The X-men get steadily more and more jealous of the Brotherhood, especially when the BH Boys start to stage other "accidents" so that they can continue to save people and reap the benefits of added fame and fortune. Eventually the Brotherhood decides to mess around with the X-men at the ribbon cutting for a zoo. This is where my story and the cartoon diverge.**

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The Edge of Her Skin

I've never been what you could consider a hero. Truth be told, I've never really wanted to be one. I'm what you'd call a "wrong tracks" kind of guy. I don't bother with school much, don't have a family, never spent much time in the rat hole of an orphanage I got sent to.

But, despite all that, I'm still real special, see. I'm a mutant. That's what makes me special. When I was at my old school I gained my rep purely from my non-mutant actions. Hell until I met her, I never even knew there were other mutants there.

Her.

The one, that one special girl you just can't ever get out of your mind no matter how hard you try. Her name was Kitty Pryde and she was nearly the best at everything she did, except gym, she was pretty crappy at gym. Honestly I never noticed her beyond a passing glance and a barely thought "she's kinda cute, in a nerdy, preppy, pink girl kind of way."

And then I found out she was a mutant, and suddenly it was like she became the most important person in my life, after myself.

She's the first girl I ever wanted close to me, the first girl I ever got close to in that "I've got real feelings for you and want you around for a long time" kind of way, as opposed to the, "I have an urge and you're hot," kind of way, not that I don't, didn't, find Kitty hot as hell, I just find her a lot more then that.

That's why I tried to get her to need only me, to want only me. To drop her crappy parents, her straight A life, those clowns from Xavier's and come be with me. Together we could have been unstoppable.

I didn't have a life left in my old town after all the shit settled down. Shaking down your high school seems to piss off a lot of people, not that I was stupid enough to get caught, but I'm fairly certain those losers I was chilling with probably snitched to the cops when everything was over.

I didn't have much choice, but my choice to come to Bayville was made a lot easier knowing that Kitty would be there. Shit. I don't even know why I'm so hung up on her, you know. She's so freaking hot and cold towards me I don't know whether I'm burning up with the attention or freezing from the cold shoulder.

I joined the X-men for her, I wrecked the high school in Bayville more then once over her, I danced with her, held her close, yelled at her, fought with her, nearly kissed her more times then I can count and punched my fist through more walls then I can remember. New York's had more quakes since I arrived then in its entire history, all for her.

We always had these barriers we couldn't cross, couldn't get past. I'll always be a thug. She'll always be the good girl. I'll never be good enough, she'll be too good for me. I tried, more then once to be a hero for her.

The last time I was a hero on accident. Wanda wrecked the subway and we barely got out alive. I mean, I, shit, I couldn't just leave that old lady to die down there. People can call me a villain, they can call me a shit, an asshole, a loser, but fuck man, I have standards. I can't leave some old lady to die.

Then suddenly I was a hero. The old lady was rich, the Brotherhood was famous. I didn't live in a disgusting house. And then we got the bright idea to keep going. Shit, I'm not going to lie and pretend I tried very hard to stop us. I was drunk on it. I wanted to stay a hero, and yeah part of me was hoping Kitty would come round to me again, and more of me loved rubbing it in her face. I was a hero, and she was shunned.

Then we decided to fuck with the X-men. We were supposed to cut a ribbon at the zoo and Pietro got the bright idea to twist Wanda around his pinkie again and get her to mess with the X-men's powers. Shit. I still remember it like it was fifteen minutes ago.

The stampeding elephant, that jerk Summers losing control of his eyebeams, Kitty, sent into the crocodile tank. Kitty, trying to phase through and getting stuck halfway through, Kitty, with this shocked, surprised expression on her face when the glass cut her clean in half, the words, "Someone get me out of here," barely out of her mouth.

You want to know what dead skin feels like? It's soft and waxy, it starts to stiffen up, the eyes grow dull, you lose control of any bodily fluids you had going, there's blood, first its everywhere and you're kneeling in it while you hold the top half of your on again, off again girlfriends body in your arms, then it cools off, and it sticks, congeals, gets into everything.

Then you realize that the most important person in your life, the one thing you worked so hard at is gone, and everything loses its color. Sound mutes, nothing tastes right, or smells right, nothing feels right anymore.

All your hands can remember is the edge of her skin, the fall of her hair, her blue eyes staring at you, always staring, even after you close them gently, with your fingers.

Her heartbeat finishing, and then the loneliness, the terrible, crushing weight of being alone, and then nothing, nobody, makes sense anymore and you wonder how the hell you can even remember to breathe it hurts so bad.

And everyone there blames you, wants to kill you, wants to hit you, but not as bad as you want to hit yourself and for one minute, one freaking long, endless minute, you think about shaking it all down around you, taking everything with you, and then that minute passes, and you know it will never cross your mind again.

And you have to spend the rest of your life living with the consequences, living with your self. There's no one there that can absolve you, console you, understand you.

After I met Kitty, I wanted to be good enough for her, but I also wanted to be good enough for me. I don't have high standards, so I was always trying to get her to lower hers. I'd give anything to get that chance again, to get to clean up my act, to convince her of a thousand things.

If I could I'd change it all. I'd have stayed in school. I would have been her friend and not tried to use her, or I would have convinced her to run away with me. I would have joined the X-men and stayed, or I would have stayed away from the brotherhood. I would have left her life a long time ago. I would have, I would have held her close and kissed her every time I wanted to, every time I instead resorted to trashing some place, punching some wall, doing something that wasn't kissing Kitty, touching Kitty, being with Kitty.

Being, just being there, with her.


End file.
